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Honest question: throughout your life, which factors have contributed the most to your growth & development?
Trial and error?
Divine insight?
Dumb luck?
Divine insight is always spot-on, but for me, the most consistent factor has been teaching. Without a doubt, no question. The times when I’ve had a trusted, qualified, and committed teacher to instruct me were definitely the most productive periods of my life.
We tend to think of teachers in pretty traditional ways, though—the seasoned adult, trained in a particular area (usually academics) who teaches as a professional craft. This makes sense. This should be the primary definition we have for teaching since this is the primary form of teaching that we receive. I’m just saying we shouldn’t stop there.
A key principle of discipleship (to teach, instruct) in the Bible is that it is delivered by seasoned professionals. It doesn’t get any more seasoned or professional than Jesus Christ with his twelve, and these other examples worked out pretty well also:
Moses with Joshua
Eli with Samuel
Elijah with Elisha
Paul with Timothy & Titus
I talked at length about the biblical model of discipleship in this week’s Tuesday Teaching, and I’d like to expand upon that teaching by highlighting a method of discipleship that often gets overlooked: peer-to-peer.
It goes without saying that the ol’ wiley veteran teaching the young wippersnapper makes sense. That’s the natural order of things, and I’m not advocating for abandoning this approach. In fact, given the transience of our communities and our overgrown dependence on technology, we should be more intentional about reestablishing traditions that honor our elders and create opportunities for them to pass on their wisdom.
Nevertheless, it’s worth noting that some of our best teachers aren’t standing ahead of us; rather, they are standing by our sides. Friends, associates, colleagues, and classmates, all available to us as resources if we’re open to seeing them in this different light, and humbling ourselves to take advantage of what they have to offer.
Recognizing a peer for their particular expertise doesn’t make them superior or more mature than us, and receiving that particular expertise doesn’t make us weak. In fact, it makes us strong. It demonstrates that we are more committed to learning and improving ourselves than we are to maintaining appearances.
Let’s just keep it real, this is an area where women perform better than men. Men tend to let their ego get in the way of asking for or receiving help, whereas women tend to be much more open about their needs and more welcoming of support from their peers. Fellas, don’t be a fool. Don’t let pride bring you down when all it takes is a little humility to receive the blessing.
I ask my peers for guidance all the time. If I see someone doing something better than me, I don’t hate, I congratulate—then ask for some tips. I got reminded of this lesson a few years ago when I was just starting to take my workouts more seriously. After a few months, I hadn’t seen the muscle growth that I was expecting, and I casually mentioned this to a younger colleague (who was clearly working out) at our holiday party. Without hesitation, he said, “You’re not getting enough protein.”
He was right. I started taking more whey protein powder after workouts and saw immediate results.
Since then, I’ve doubled down on my appreciation of teachers and mentors of all shapes and sizes. If I have something I need to learn, and you look like you can teach me, then what are we waiting for? Let’s get to it!
I like to give two or three steps readers could follow to get the intended results. Those who have been reading intently will note that I’ve already done that, but I’ll enumerate them again just to make it official.
1. Stay Humble
To say that we are too often the victims of our own pride would be an understatement, and again, for men, this would be doubly true. We are far too concerned with appearing to be of a certain stature than we are with quietly putting in the work so that we can actually be of a certain stature. Who are you trying to impress? Besides, wouldn’t it actually be more impressive if you got better in the areas that matter?
2. Ask How
Ask them. The worst they can do is say no.
The reality is that people very rarely say no because most people love to show off their expertise. They’re waiting for someone to ask them questions so that their passion and nerdom shine. You might be doing them a favor, giving them an outlet for all of the pent-up enthusiasm that they’ve had to contain for who knows how long.
For those who might get hung up on the vulnerability of asking for help, I have the perfect solution for you: don’t. Instead of asking for help, ask questions like you’re a host of a talk show:
How did you learn this skill?
What tips would you give someone who wants to get better in this area?
What are some common pitfalls for people who are just starting out?
Can you walk me through the basics?
Are you open to sharing your expertise?
Honestly, we all should be secure enough in ourselves to ask for help when we need it, but questions like these are useful for professional networking and similar settings, when we may not have the familiarity to ask for help anyway. The key is to ask.
And I tell you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened.
— Luke 11:9-10