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Facebook // Instagram // YouTube // TiktokI’ve been wearing headphones at the gym, but I’m starting to rethink that practice.
Sure, it’s nice to lock in on my workout—keep myself pumped up with some good music, stay focused. But there’s something more meaningful I’ve been missing.
I joined the gym to stay in shape. I’d been working out at home with a handful of free weights, but the variety of equipment has been a game changer. Still, even at the start, I recognized something powerful about being part of a fitness community. It’s motivating to see men and women at different stages of their journey showing up day after day to put in the work.
But I’m starting to see that community is more than being present—it’s about being engaged.
Recently, a brother walked halfway across the gym to ask me to spot him on the bench press. He was going for a personal record but was wise and humble enough to recognize the risk of attempting it alone.
Why me? I don’t know. He didn’t say and I didn’t ask.
(I’ll admit, it felt good to be needed—even if it was just for a ten-second spot.)
Since then, I’ve been paying more attention to the people, not just the equipment. Suddenly, I’m noticing how much engagement is happening around me. I see how men and women are not just being polite with one another, they’re being helpful.
First, it’s a spot. Then it’s advice on technique. Before long, they’re discussing workout goals and health challenges. I’ve seen burly, tough men confiding in one another about their struggles. I’ve seen some of those same men bond to the point that they start working out together.
It sounds wild to say, but the gym might be the most brotherly place on earth—maybe more so than most places of worship.
At the very least, it’s a place that drives a high level of openness and accountability. Perhaps it’s the fact that we’re all there to improve ourselves. There’s maybe a mutual appreciation and respect for the effort that we’re all putting forward. Whatever the psychological explanation is, there certainly appears to be more emotional safety among the racks of weights and rows of equipment than most places that men socialize. It’s like we’ve all somehow agreed to be our most authentic selves—and to share that authenticity with others.
I don’t want to oversell it. You won’t find men sitting in a prayer circle, singing Kumbaya, and sharing their darkest secrets, and certain gyms may struggle with more machismo than others. Still, I think you will generally see brothers making a genuine effort to connect.
In an era of rampant male isolation—resulting in all sorts of destructive behavior (suicide, violence, substance abuse)—we need more places and spaces where men can be safe.
And here’s why I think this really matters: the most difficult part of overcoming male isolation is knowing where and how to start.
Those who struggle with isolation don’t believe they have the opportunities, or even the personality gifts, to spark up new friendships. What I’d tell those people is that connection at the gym is almost automatic. You don’t have to try—you just have to be present.
After just a few weeks of showing up, others will recognize you and greet you.
After a few more weeks, they’ll start saying hello and giving you fist bumps.
After a few more weeks, they’ll start talking to you.
Before long, you’ll be having full conversations with others—getting to know them, and them you.
This is a double victory. We get in shape physically and socially. We strengthen our heart muscles as we strengthen our heartstrings.
By the way, this dynamic isn’t exclusive to the gym. I believe we could find similar environments anywhere fitness and consistency come together: martial arts dojos, rock climbing gyms, running and cycling clubs, hiking groups, and the like. There’s something about sweating and exerting ourselves around others that naturally lends itself to openness.
So if you—or someone you know—is battling isolation, head to the gym, dojo, or whatever floats your boat. Just make sure you’re going to place where people are coming together in the spirit of fitness and fellowship, and the rest will sort itself out.
Pack a bottle of water, some snacks, and the willingness to connect.
And leave the headphones at home.
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I’m so focused when I go in, I have to remember it’s also an opportunity to plant seeds. But it does happen in the manner you illustrated. Even though, I kept to myself, after a while other men began to reach out for spots etc and now it’s fist bumps every time we see one another. Just have to be careful with the women that’s all. 💪🏾